just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize