he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
