so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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