3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
so much tequila, so little girl.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
