My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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