he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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