My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
