I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
