i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
