why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
