Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
