Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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