Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
