nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
