Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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