Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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