I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
