I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I need moral support for this bender
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
