good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
