ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
