Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
