We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
