if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
