This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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