so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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