I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
