And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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