I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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