I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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