Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
we're so committed to being not committed
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
