You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize