so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
