Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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