some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
