Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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