At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize