I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize