I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
