Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This is the high leading the old right now
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
