Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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