Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize