$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
