don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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