He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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