so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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