Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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