boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
