dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
