dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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