Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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