I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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