Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
