you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
