just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
