I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
