People in love make me want to vomit
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
