I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The air was thick with penises
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
