I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize