Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
