Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
