i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
