I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
