it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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