One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
