I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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