He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
