I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
