new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize