I never want to see another naked old woman again.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
